New Century SF Editorial, 12/01/95, Part I This Editorial will have to be in 3 parts, each posted as I finish them. I need time to gather my memories and thoughts of the events. Part I - Guest List of all of the ASSCers, that I can remember, who made this an ever so memorable B-Day, even those who were not physically here. Part II - Events that happened as seen through my eyes. As I remember them throughout my days and nights, I still can't believe it happened. Part III - What ASSCers mean to me. ***** PART I - Who's Who (Guest List not necessarily in order of appearance) ASSCMan - I was finally glad to meet you. I know it wasn't easy for you to come by. I sincerely appreciate the effort. Not to worry, we'll ASSC in the future @ your favorite club. The NC gang is ready. DonWon (an MSCer, not NCer) - Thanks for the compliments and the chocolate. No, I am not an author/writer. I merely translate my perception of the events to my keyboard. R.Cunningham (2) - Glad you could make it. Beats the Pink Poddle, eh? Franken & Davis - These 2 enthusiastic lurkers reminded me of Al Franken & Tom Davis from the ancient Saturday Night Live days. Wish you could've stayed longer. LinL & Josh - Great to see you guys once again. Unfortunately for the 2 of you, a few of YOUR fav's were not working tonite. I would like to thank the 2 of you for having such a good time. JP - You'll be ASSCing with the troops in the future, I can tell. JST HV FN - (aka: Coool Dude any many others) It was a shock to hear that you are/were/is Coool Dude. Nonetheless, I was glad to meet you face to face. Now that I know a little more about you, I can completely understand your motives, and I can tell it wasn't as easy to admit your other "names". Life, in itself, is about always moving forward in the right direction. In my opinion, you're headed that way. Online ASSCers may never forgive you. Pay no mind. Everybody wears their own shoes. JOE - Last time I saw you was at AD's bachelor party. Good to know you're still alive and lurking. Dick Smith from Houston - Thank you for the mini Houston Club seminar in my office. Knowledge is power. All of the ASSCers who listened in benefited greatly. Jesse Green (2) - I love your attitude. A.ttitude? S.imple, S.mile - C.oncentrate Edgar - Thanks for having a good time. LuvHotFoxZ - Having a good time? Done this before? Alan Bostick - Though I didn't meet you, thanks for making an appearance. I trust Bubba filled the role of Host just fine. The Artist I will ALWAYS call The RUDEBOY (2) - What can I say, but, "Rudeboy, Mail-1. Mail-1, Rudeboy." Guess what I'm listening to right now? Catch you in a few. Bring your bodyguard again, too. Grazie. Curious George - A shame you couldn't stay longer. The Red Cross will be thankful for your time. See you... what.. umm... Friday? I'll listen to yours as soon as Rudeboy's has concluded. Thanks for everything. SAXBEAT - I will make it a HIGH priority to hook up with you when you come to the Bay Area. Just about ALL of the ASSCers tonite are willing to ASSC with you and RJ in January. My mileage keeps increasing. Your gift gets me 2 dozen now! Thanks, to the power of 24. NakedGirl9 - Did I ever tell you my real name? Six. Lurkers (at least 5, sorry if I forgot your names) - #1) Ken(?). I get the feeling this guy can handle an ASSC marathon. Smiling for the entire 26 miles and 385 yards while "lapping" the field. #2) Purple shirt Internet Provider - No, cigars aren't an ASSCing staple yet, but who knows, anything is possible. #3) Denim shirt (untucked) and the UGLIEST ;-) [why so ugly?] golf pants I've EVER seen - Did you have enough time to make you rounds? #4) Not so much a lurker, but a NEW recruit! Lapped with EDIE and asked her "what the hell is going on here?". I filled him in and now he's psyched. He's already on AOL. Rest easy, he doesn't know what "me too" means. #5) The 14 day newbie - Had no idea it would be like this, eh? I can't believe the turnout. 25 + 2 (virtual attendees) + 1 dancer (KAT) + 5 (Board of Directors) = 33, not including myself. Just remembered 2 more! McCavity - You're so "low profile", I almost forgot you. A shame hat not many of your fav's were working. But, I noticed that KAT kept you entertained. Always good to see you! Lurker #6 - A Chinese gentleman about 5'8" who wore black slacks. A daytime customer mostly. Asked why Ione(?) is not in the LBB(tm). Thanks for making a "night" trip. What impressed me even more was the INSTANT camaraderie everyone felt towards each other, completely void of opinions expressed on A.S.S-C. A reminder to the guests on this list: POST! POST! POST! ASSC is the property of ALL those involved. ...live long ...and ASSC! als ***** Part II Table of Contents: Bulletin, PARTY TIME! BULLETIN: 1) The mgmt. surprised me with a B-Day gift... WALLPADS!! 2) Juice Bar not open, so I used it to elude TIKI and her whip. 3) Miss NC Beauty Pageant evening results: Winner - Miss Excelsior District 1st Runner-up - Miss Nob Hill (the 1st one) PARTY TIME! (with spontaneous quotes as they occurred) Who said 7 hours is too long to spend in a strip-club? Have they ever ASSCed at the NC? At the NC, it flies by in a flash... I finally arrive at 7pm and to my surprise, Bubba, LinL, and 3 Lurkers are already ASSCing. I love it. As I start to settle in my office, Bubba and LinL come over with good wishes in hand. PRINCESS and MIMI promptly decorate the office with balloons, which made it easy for the lurkers and other ASSCers to find me. From that point on, ASSCing was in high gear. It was a rarity in finding a moment to sit down. One by one, lurkers and posters introduced themselves, talked for a bit, and asked many questions. I did my best to point out all of the ASSCers and Dancers during every intro. To no surprise, every ASSCer brought enthusiasm with them. This contributed to a high level of energy that seemed to fill the club. The first dancer I had time to notice on stage was MIA. MIA - "I'm going to do your favorite set, Bjork and Bette Davis Eyes, so sit down damnit!" ALS - *sigh* MIA doesn't fail to disappoint. A GREAT set with feathers flying everywhere and getting stuck in the most desirable of places. LinL - "I think MIA is THE finest babe in here!" After that show, who wouldn't begin to think so? After MIA's set, ASSCers just keep pouring in. DougLee, PelicanHead, Tiger, etal. By now there are at least 25 ASSCers getting to know each other, trading war stories, admiring the beautiful background, talking threads, basically ASSCing. Dick Smith holds a free seminar in the office: "ASSCers Guide to Houston" 6 of us sign up. 15 minutes WELL spent! "Everybody, REEVA "The Rack". REEVA "The Rack", Everybody." DougLee - "Is KAT here?" ALS - "DougLee, KAT. KAT, DougLee. I think I'll take 5 steps back now." ALS - "JP, pose as Mail-1. We want to scare the shit out of The Rudeboy." JP - "Sure." ALS - "Hey there gorgeous, getting a chance to meet everybody? Making any money?" PRINCESS - "NO! They're all too busy meeting each other, AND it's almost 9 o'clock!" ALS - "I love it! [smack] Ouch! Hey, I need that shoulder to drive home." MARIA is the next dancer I notice. How could you not? MARIA took the already enthusiatic crowd to a higher level. ALS - "What's up Rudeboy? Who's this? Your bodyguard? HA! You should have brought somebody bigger... Rudeboy, Mail-1. Mail-1, The Rudeboy. Heh heh, just kidding." Rudeboy - "Ohhhhhh man, that was pretty close. Is Mail-1 here?" ALS - "Nope." Josh - "...change it to 4L's and 2M's and leave the rest." ALS - "OK" Now it's time for one of our OWN to take the stage. Your Mother and mine, KAT! I can tell that the whole group is anxious to see her, every single ASSCer crowds up to the stage., dressed in flames, KAT delivers! She allows me to pull her elastic bikini top string. I take this opportunity to s-t-r-e-t-c-h the string to about 10 feet, "don't look back, KAT..." [SNAP!] ...a mere tickle relative to her S/M hobby. I doubt that any ASSCer felt short changed by KAT's performance. She SIZZLED! Eartha Kitt could learn something from our KAT. I need a fire hose! "Dick Smith, MEAGAN. MEAGAN, Dick Smith." "Anyone seen PelicanHead lately? Anyone seen REEVA "The Rack" lately?" Bubba - "ALS, make sure you sit Front and Center for TIKI's show." ALS - "Am I gonna have to go to the drycleaners tomorrow?" Bubba - "Ummm... No..." Josh - "...after further pondering, remove everything and just leave 4 A's. It's QUALITY, not QUANTITY." ALS - "OK." As I'm ASSCing in the office with others, DougLee introduces me to a 'lap' secretary he has just finished working with (she was hired to 'work' for me later it seems). Moments later, Bubba reminds me to sit Front and Center, TIKI is up. And THIS show, I'll NEVER forget! I doubt that ANY ASSCer who witnessed it will either. All 3 songs are 'Techno-Industrial' beats that are very fitting for her, given the fact that TIKI is into Bondage. Each time she reaches the end of the runway, she vocalizes a teasing remark to me: "I hear it's your B-Day, having fun yet?" and the beat goes on... "I hear that you've been a bad boy..." and the beat goes on... "I'm gonna have to teach you how to behave..." and the beat goes on... "I have a special treat for you..." and the beat goes on... "My stockings are tight, you're gonna have to remove them with your teeth..." and the beat ends. Whew! That was easy. I'm still clean. (Murphy's Law, I spoke too soon.) During TIKI's 3rd song, Bubba and Tiger start lining the end of the runway with towels. (Hmmm... What's this all about?) Bubba brings out a B-Day cake and sets it at the end of the runway. (OK, a simple 'Happy B-Day Chorus' and we'll be on our way. I can live with that.) Here comes TIKI with her whip in hand, but, she sets it down. Tiger lites the 3 huge candles and places them in the cake. TIKI starts to gyrate over the flames, no, I mean on TOP of the flames. The audience is gasping. That HAS to hurt! She picks up one of the lit candles, sticks her butt close to my face and lets the hot wax drip on her 'back door'... drip... "OOOooo!" drip... "AAAhhh!" drip... "Yesss!" I didn't expect her to neglect her *kat*... and... she didn't! With her legs high in the air, she dripped the hot wax on her *kitty's* nose! drip... "OOOooo!" drip... "AAAhhh!" drip... "Yesss!" The crowd is collectively FEELING the pain and CHEERING! As TIKI stands up to lean her 'back door' close to my nose, she tells me to make a wish as she burns the candle MILLIMETERS from her 'kat'! DougLee from the second row - "HEY, YOU'RE ON FIRE!" TIKI - "Thank you!" DougLee - "NO! YOU'RE, LIKE, ON FIRE!!" TIKI to ALS - "HURRY UP AND MAKE A WISH!!" The SCREAMS from the audience consisted of: HOLY SHIT!! JESUS F*CKIN' CHRIST!! OH MY GOD!! YESSSS!! OH YEAH!! At this point I grab TIKI's whip and start LASHING Bubba, for what I think is about to happen! With all candles blown out, TIKI feeds her *kat* the cake that was sticking to the candles. Before I could blink, one of the candles was in my mouth! I didn't taste no cake, if ya know what I mean... I had no idea wax tasted like... Audience: "YESSSS!!" TIKI - "Time to cut the cake!" She proceeds to 'FLOSS' to the beat of the music with her stockings, CUTS through the icing with them, and dangles them in front of me for a moment... Audience: "LICK IT OFF, LICK IT OFF! YESSSSS!!" I didn't want to let anybody down, what kind of host would that make me? TIKI - "I want some cake..." K-E-R-P-L-O-P!!! She SITS IN IT!! ICING FLYING EVERYWHERE!! Audience: a THUNDEROUS "OHHHHHHhhhh!!!" It's to the point where the CHEERING and HOLLERING have completely drowned out the music! IT AIN'T OVER YET FOLKS! She stands up , sticks her butt right in my face, TIKI - "Time to take a bite, ALS!" Audience: "LICK IT OFF!! EAT IT!! LICK IT!!" DAMN, that cake looks yummy! I had no choice BUT to lick from 'NORTH to SOUTH'. How SWEET IT IS! Audience: "YAHOOOOO!! YESSSS!!" An ovation ensued! I thought chocolate cake is supposed to taste like chocolate cake. Whoever thinks they'll forget THAT show, raise their hand. Bubba is the beneficiary of more artifacts for the NC Museum. I need a fire hose. DougLee - "It should be a rule, like, that everybody has to have their birthday party here." WHEW! OK, I'm toweled off and ready for PRINCESS. 1st song is a tribute to the 'Munchskins", by the PRINCESS of the 'Munchkins'. She's so cute. 2nd song, Bubba and Tiger blindfold me. OK, what next? AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!! PRINCESS EMPTIES a can of whipped cream on me! Tiger - "the girl is absolutely CRAZY!" I need a fire hose. Oh well, back to the washroom I go. Back near the stage I DON'T! ASSC TIP: Whipped Cream holds better than ANY hair mousse I'VE tried. ALS to Lurker - "Havin' a good time?" Lurker - "F*CK YEAH!" "Don Won, Bubba. Bubba, Don Won." ALS to Don Won - "PARIS is the one sitting in the corner across the room." "Jst Hv Fn, DougLee. DougLee, Jst Hv Fn." "Anyone seen PelicanHead lately? Anyone seen REEVA "The Rack" lately?" MIMI brings back the 'hired' secretary, EMBER. I'm sitting down with no energy left. EMBER proceeds to caress my neck, chest, arms, hands, and finger tips. ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz... What a way to relax. ALS - "IRL, glad you could finally make it!" IRL - "Bubba filled me in on what I missed, wow." ALS - "Hey everybody, IRL has the .gif of NakedGirl9 on his laptop!" About 16 ASSCers and Dancers crowd around the office to see another one of OUR own. What would an ASSC party be without at least ONE computer on hand? PRINCESS - "She's kinda cute." Lurker - "I'd do her!" [CRACK] HEY! [SNAP] OUCH! TIKI to ALS - "You've been a BAD little boy..." Like a Mongoose, I make a dash for the Juice Bar. Like a Hawk, TIKI pursues me. Like a Mongoose, I can crawl through 'tight' gaps. Like a Hawk, she must hover and wait... "IRL, KAT on DougLee. KAT on DougLee, IRL." "1:30am already? I'm hungry. Who's up for Chinese food?" Time for a 2:15am convoy to Chinatown, and the ASSCing continues 'on the outside'. Or are we all just merely human beings now that were 'on the outside'? 11 of us sit around a round table. How fitting. Clockwise: KAT, The Rudeboy, his Bodyguard, TIKI, Bubba, Tiger, IRL, LinL, Josh, DougLee, and myself. Food and camaraderie are still a-plenty. What did we talk about? Why, we're STILL ASSCing. A variety of opinions and questions are flying back and forth amongst everybody. Oh, and nobody dares TIKI to climb on the table when the food arrives, we're hungry. The Rudeboy - "Did Mail-1 ever show?" KAT - "Yeah, where the f*ck WAS that guy?" ALS - "You're probably lucky he DIDN'T show, Rudeboy. heh heh..." TIKI to ALS - "You're gonna have to come over to my place and help me setup my computer." ALS to TIKI - "No way, I'm scared..." 3:40am and I'm fading fast... THANKS to all of the ASSCers who made it a most MEMORABLE night! Who's next, Tiger? ALS ***** Part III Strip Clubs, ASSC, ASSCing, ASSCers. What does it all mean? Different things to different people, of course. Who would be naive enough to think any different? To me, it's all about one thing, People. Be it the People you are looking at, or the People you meet, it is still about People. It would be difficult for anybody to tell me that the entire concept is just a fantasy. Am I supposed to think that, for some unwritten reason, the Dancers I've met aren't People? Am I supposed to think that, for some unwritten reason, the ASSCers I've met aren't People? Or am I supposed to think that, for some unwritten reason, ASSCers are people and the Dancers aren't? If I sound naive to anyone out there, I would like to know why. I'm never too old to learn. I have always found that the most rewarding relationship's people can have is one where mutual respect is prevalent. ASSC has afforded me quite a few in recent months between ASSCers AND Dancers. Our 'after party' dinner gave quite a few of you a first-hand look of how we are all basically the same. You might have found it exciting in the beginning (WOW, I'm gonna hangout with TWO Dancers!), but as the meal wore on, I could not help noticing how comfortable everyone became. What a great way to end a great day. ALS